I’ve finally told my ex I want to get divorced and now I'm living with a lot of regret that I didn't say it sooner. How do I handle the regret?

It is very common to feel regret after finally saying you want a divorce. Once you have a little distance, you may begin to see the relationship more clearly and fully understand how much you tolerated for so long.

That clarity can be painful, especially when it turns into self-blame: Why didn’t I leave sooner? Why did I let my children see this? Why did I stay as long as I did?

But regret is not the same as truth. The truth is that you did the best you could with the strength, information, fear, and hope you had at the time. No one enters a marriage expecting it to end, and many people spend years trying to make things better before accepting that the situation is no longer sustainable. Fear of money, retaliation, the unknown, the impact on children, and the emotional weight of ending a marriage are all real. If you could have done it differently sooner, you would have.

The work now is self-forgiveness. That begins with loving kindness toward yourself and steady reminders: I did the best I could at the time. I am proud of myself for taking action now. I did everything I could to make the marriage work. I love myself and am proud of my courage. You are not late. You are brave. And it is never too late to take the next right step toward reclaiming your life.

Self-forgiveness does not happen all at once. You will need support from friends, family, therapists, spiritual guides, or people who understand what this process feels like. But one day at a time, your thinking can change. The regret can soften. And eventually, your life can begin to bloom and expand from the courage it took to finally choose yourself.